A personal note- A year ago today.
Once my sister took my Mom home, I began to pack up the few things I brought with me.
The Hospice Care Center was extra quiet at night.
I looked at my Dad, sleeping. He had been sleeping for a couple of days.
He looked so small. So frail. He couldn't eat, couldn't drink.
I sat down for a minute.
This might be it. What if he died in the middle of night? He would be all alone.
I put down my bag.
I took my shoes off and climbed in the bed next to him.
Laying my head on his chest, I told him I would stay with him.
As I stroked his hair and listened to his breathing, so labored, I told him over and over again how much I loved him.
I prayed that he could hear me.
As the night went on, I would doze off only to be woken up by his cough. It sounded so weezy.
And then, the familiar breathing pattern would kick back in.
Sometimes he would stop breathing for a while and I would panic... and then he would start again and I would feel so relieved.
In that dark room, I stroked his hair and I told him that it was okay for him to go if he needed to.
I would take care of Mom and everything else so he didn't have to worry - and he didn't have to suffer anymore.
He didn't know that I had my fingers crossed behind my back. I couldn't stand the thought of losing him.
Sometime later the next morning, my sister brought my Mom back.
We sat most of the day around my Dad's bed and talked about the good times, cried, talked to my Dad as he slept, and cried some more.
The girls had been there earlier to say goodbye and were home.
I was worried about my girls and told my Mom and sister that I was going to run home, check on the them, change my clothes and come right back with an overnight bag. They encouraged me to go. They would be there and the doctor said that my Dad had another couple of days so a quick run home should be okay.
I was scared to leave but took off so I could get back.
On my way back to Hospice, I realized that I hadn't eaten much in the last 24 hours or so, and I thought my Mom and sister would want something too, so I stopped at Panera Bread to grab soup for us.
I called my Mom and asked how my Dad was. She said that he was the same. I told them I was five minutes away and I asked if they wanted some soup. My Mom asked my sister and they both said no.
There was hardly anyone in the restaurant yet the two women in front of me changed their order twice and the cashier had to get a manager to figure out the cash register. I just wanted to get out of there. Once I grabbed my soup, I jumped in the car. Thank goodness I was only 5 minutes away from the Hospice Center.
When I got there, I walked down the hall to my Dad's room and saw his nurse.
Our eyes met. My heart sunk. I knew.
I walked into the room and my Mom said, "He's gone."
I threw that stupid soup right in the trash and threw myself on top of my Dad and cried and cried like a baby.
The nurse came in. She gently lifted me off of my Dad.
She said, "You were Daddy's little girl. He heard your Mom say you were on your way. He didn't want you to have to see him die. He knew you couldn't take that. That was his gift to you. He wanted it this way. You were his little girl."
Thank you Daddy.
I love you.
I hope you are okay.
I hate Panera Bread.
I miss you so much.
I think about you everyday.
I always will. I always will...
Love, Gina
A Year ago today
Oh Gina I am so sorry to read this, I can hardly see to type this message through the tears in my eyes and the ache in my throat. My heart goes out to you and you family.
hugs..............Baukje
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Oh....Gina....I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray for peace for you and for God to heal your grieving heart.
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Gina, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The words you said about Dad and your family were wonderful, even the last few sentences. I wish for you comfort for you and your family. I hope you find peace in the Lord and in knowing that you'll be together again. I know how hard it is to lose a parent and how painful. Peace and love be with you and your loved ones.
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Dearest Gina,
My heart goes out to you. I too lost my father a year ago November. I missed being there by 4 hours...I was on my way also. The nurse was right. Hospice is wonderful and offers excellent grief counseling. Remember your father fondly. It will get to a point that you smile, instead of cry when you think of him. Be at peace...he is. Neesey
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I am so sorry to read of your loss !!. I can feel your pain and love for him in the note . The deeper we love a person the greater the pain when they are gone.
My daughter is a nurse and she has said, many times a person waits to pass until those they loved the most are not there. Please accept my utmost sympathy
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Gina I understand all too well what you felt when your Dad left this earth and how much it hurt to not have been with him. I too threw myself on my Dad and cried and cried. The words the nurse said to you were similar to the words my Grandma said to me. I know how your heart shattered, how the grief crippled you, how you longed for just one more moment with Daddy -- how you still long for just one more moment. My heart goes out to you, my hugs encircle you. He is always with you -- always. {{{{Hugs}}}}
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o Gina I so so sorry.. I don't have My Mom are Dad and I miss them every day.
I do not know what we would have done with out Hospice they are the GREATEST!!.. I wish there was some magic word to say to make the pain go away But there is not .Just know that we Love U and are sending HUGS AND HUGS!!
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Gina, I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my dad last August. I had been with him during most of his stay at hospice. I couldn't have asked for better care for him. On the day he passed, I got there about 5 minutes too late. I felt guilty but I feel that this is what he wanted. Prayers for you and your family during this difficult time.
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Oh Gina,
If only you knew how well I understand. I missed the moment as well ... after always believing that I would be "there". It's that deeply rooted LOVE ... your Daddy loved you so very much that indeed, he had no choice but to go to Heaven out of your presence. Perhaps God enabled in this timing as well ... for your benefit and for your Daddy's benefit as well. Sending huge Texas {{{hugs}}} your way.
~Bev
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I soo know how you feel . It does get easier with time . That first year is so very hard , it is behind you now . You will never ever forget him and he will always be there in your heart and in your head ( your memories )He will be there watching over you . My Dad passed away 8 years ago . Tomorrow is his birthday . He would have been 84 . As another Daddies girl I really do understand . They really are there with us . I dont know what else to say apart from sending you love and (((Hugs))) from the UK
love Chris
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Gina, you tell such a beautiful story. I know that it is painful but it reminds me that my dad may not be around much longer and that I really do need to call him and cherish all the time I have left with him.
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Gina, the memory you shared is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for loving us so much to share it with us. You are truly a woman of Christ and I am very happy and proud to know you (even if it is not personally). God bless you and may He continue to watch over you and comfort you, especially during this time. Sincerely, Bibi < IN GOD WE TRUST
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Dearest Gina,
The loss of a loved one is very hard to get over. I feel your pain today and send prayers your way. It was 10 years ago last week when I lost my 19 year old daughter to an early morning icy winter car crash. Please know you are not alone. Your Dad would want you to focus on the good things today
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I am so very sorry for your loss, your father had so much love around him when he went and what a special night he had alone with you before he left, I'm certain he heard everything you said to him and was ready to move on in peace. Thinking of you and your family. Donna x
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Oh Gina - I'm so sorry - my dad died in 2000 the opposite way - we came to drop my Mom off, and visit with him. After I left, 10 minutes later he died. The nurse was right - he didn't want you to witness his passing - he wants you to remember the good times. Gosh, I still miss mine!
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Gina ,Im so sorry have alovely day all of you and remember the happy times.He wouldnt want you to feel down hed want you to remember him with a smile and happy memories which im sure you will.
Im going through this at the moment with my mum.We were rushed to her bedside on New Years day and still there ,just awaiting game ,im just like you in so many ways as i dont want to leave incase something happens when i do.Can't imagine what you went through but i know for sure it's hard!
thinking of you today love n hugs jude
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Oh my gosh Gina..I am SO sorry for your loss and what a touching remembrance..I bawled like a baby reading it as it brought back SO many memories of my husband passing away and my feeling SO guilty that I had fallen asleep beside him. He had leukemia (we found this out 6 weeks after we were married) and I was only 20 yrs. old at the time. But he went into remission
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I just had to reply to your tender note. As a nurse I've sat with many family members as their loved ones pass, and with my parents. I truly, truly believe they know when you're there and many sweet people will wait until their loved ones are not there to leave. It's their final act of love. It truly is a gift they give to you. Please don't ever feel guilty - instead, feel loved.
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Hugs to you, Gina. Your precious memories are a tribute to your dad. Your grief does get easier to deal with over time. My dad passed away in 1994. Just remember that God's timing to perfect and do not feel guilty. You were away because you were caring for others in your family.
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What a wonderful tribute to your father and your love for him. He will always be in your heart and you should have no regrets. Peace to you.
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My prayers go out to you and your family. I just lost my mother in September and can feel your pain. He is in a better place with the angels.
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Dear Gina,
I am a hospice nurse at a residential facility in MI. I am called to do this work because of beautiful stories like yours. How wonderful that you could hold your dad all nite long and ease his journey! I am sure he was so proud of YOU and loved you as you loved him. I am tearful after reading your story but am so grateful you shared it. You are a fantastic legacy to your father. God bless you.
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Gina-
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I have learned to trust that life's delays are always part of a bigger plan and there are reasons for the slow line or the traffic that holds us up. I'm sending you and your family tons of love and hugs.
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That was a lovely story and so touching. This must be the anniversary of your Dad's death. I knew that he meant a lot to you, and you to him just from previous writings and this story confirms it. Thanks for sharing.
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What a great photo to capture the love and cherished memories of your family!
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Gina, praying for you & your family that you will have lots of happy memories to celebrate & cherish today.
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Big Hugs Gina to you! I know today must be hard, I remember when you posted about this and I can't believe that was a year ago. Spend a nice day with Mom remembering all the good times. Thanks for sharing your story.
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oh gina, i am sure this has been a very sad year for you, but i can see that the kindness and gentleness your dad showed to you in living, is a gift he gave to you because you give these to all of us and they shine through every day! you have really touched my heart....
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Gina,
I am sorry to hear about your Dad. May his memory always live on in your heart.
Your story was very sweet. Thanks for sharing it with all of us.
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Oh Gina.
God Bless you Gina.
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Gina,
I am so very sorry to hear about your Dad. Thinking of you and your family.
Big Hugs,
Tracy
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Gina. My prayers for you & your family. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I lost my dad in 1986 and still miss him. But I am comforted...I have a heart condition and have died a couple of times. There is a reason they call it HEAVEN! Your dad is in no more pain and he now feels more LOVE & JOY than you could ever imagine!
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My prayers go out to your family for your loss. Heaven has a new angel to watch over you! God Bless you all.
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What a lovely tribute to your father, Gina. It brought tears to my eyes - my goodbye to my dad was much the same. How blessed you were and how blessed he was. I'm sending you big hugs and lots of love.
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It doesn't seem likes it already been a year. I remember reading this the first time and crying...and now crying again for you as I reread it. My prayers are with you and yours today as you remember your father and all the wonderful memories.
Charmaine
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Gina,
Thank you for your honest sharing. I'm crying and thinking of you and your family today. The first year is the worst (in my opinion).
Peace,
Sue
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Aw, Gina...much love for you as you face this day with such raw emotion. Cry when you want, be mad when you want, and laugh at the good memories, too. Then remember he is with Jesus whole and happy and loves you so very much! HUGS!
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Oh Gina I am so sorry for your loss! What a wonderful, caring story you told to share with us! Find strength in your friends and family and know our caring thoughts and prayers are with you! Hugs!
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Gina,
It's so hard to lose a parent isn't it? What an amazing relationship you must have had with your Dad! He sounds like such a good man and "daddy".
My dad was also born in 1919(on May 11) but sadly died when he was only 64. I still think of him often and wish he was still here. I know you must miss your dad terribly, BUT cherish all those fantastic memories and remember you'll see him again on the other side!
God Bless You and your family today and always!
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My thoughts and prayers are with you today. Remember all the good times, the wisdom he imparted, and the love he shared, with a smile on your face. He wouldn't want it any other way.
{{{Hugs}}}
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Your writing was wonderful. What a gift you are to your parents. You caring story speaks volumes of the love you shared. My face is leaking as I write -- losing a parent is not easy, I have lost both. I pray for peace for you and your family.
Cyber hugs
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Gina, my heart goes out to you. I lost my dad 40 years ago to lung cancer. I stayed with him for his last year, helping doling out meds, making his lunch, and sometimes dinner while my mom worked. I cherish the time we had. But in the end it was still a shock. So I understand exactly how you feel. I'll keep you all in my prayers.
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Gina,
Big hugs to you!!! I do understand the love a girl can have for her father. My Dad passed on my birthday in 2007. I was the baby and just a few days before he passed, he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him I just wanted him to be okay. Knowing all the time, he wasn't going to get better. I guess he wanted to give me that one last gift when he passed on what was always a special day for us. I will hold you, your Mom and Sis in my thoughts and prayers.
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Gina, I couldn't type in the security code for the tears in my eyes. And I now know why my Mom held on so long. She passed away after I had left the room. She didn't want me to be there. You are in my thoughts and prayers. And remember the good times!
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What a touching memory of your dad. You not being there was a gift from your dad, he wanted to spare you the pain of him passing.
It's very hard loosing a parent, I lost my mum too in 2005. She had leukaemia, and it broke my heart watching her slowly go down hill. I was glad I was with her as she passed but the painful memory of those last moments will stay with me forever and I cry whenever I think of this. It's true time is a great healer, memories of happier times now are a comfort, whereas before everything made me miss her so much it hurt all over again and again. I still miss her, but I can smile again when I think of her.
Your pain too, will get easier through time.
love n hugs
Alexandra
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Oh, Gina...what a touching story. It's a blessing to have such a great dad. Sending you big hugs from Croatia...Nina
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Gina, I don't comment much but this post brought back memories of what I went through in 2007. I am so sorry for your loss but always keep the wonderful memories of your dad in your heart and know how proud your dad must be of you. Time will ease the pain of your loss but you will never forget. Hugs
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Gina and Family. I am so glad you shared your memories with us. I understand losing a parent as I lost my dad almost 6 years ago. I too think of him every day. The pain of loss has eased, and the memories still burn bright. I still talk to my dad when I feel no one else can help me through. I find peace at keeping his picture on my computer, and joy in knowing that we had so much together.
God Bless you and your family as you celebrate the life and love of such a wonderful man on his anniversary.
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Ok Gina, I hope you are happy...because I am crying! This was so similar to my story. I'd stayed with my Dad and took care of him because my brothers had to work. On the weekend I told my family I needed to go see my kids. The next morning the phone rang and I found out he'd died in his sleep. I do believe he was waiting for me to leave. He'd told me that watching him die was harder on me than it was on him. I'm so sorry we all have to lose people we love. Hang in there sweetie!
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Gina, you were so lucky to get to spend so much time with your Dad before he went. I would have given anything to have been able to see my Mom before she died. I was only 9 when my Mom died. She had been in the hospital for 2 weeks before her death so I had not seen her for 2 weeks. Back then they would not let anyone under 12 visit. She died unexpectedly and I never got to say good-bye. What the nurse said to you was so beautiful and wise. I bet your Dad was doing what he thought was best. Be thankful for all the wonderful years you had with him. I know it is hard, but cherish those memories. Bless you.
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Gina: Big hugs!!! Thinking of you & your family today!
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Oh My God! I am so touched by your writing this to share with everyone. You are in my thoughts. He was a very blessed daddy to have you in his life.
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Gina...oh you sweet, sweet lady. Thank you for sharing your love for your father with us. I lost my dear dad 3 mths before my twins were born. He was looking forward so seeing them so very much. I wish so much he was here to do all the things with them that he did with me. Weren't we lucky to have such wonderful fathers!? But it does make our hearts ache when we are thinking of them and missing them. I am sending thoughts and prayers for comfort out to you and your family. Thank you for all you do and how special you make all of our StampTV family feel. You have set the tone for a truly special on-line family. Sincerely, Diana Queen
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Sending hugs and prayers to you today, Gina, as you and your family remember and celebrate the life of your Dad on this anniversary. Your personal story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing it. I hope that the special memories you have will help you through today and every day.
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Your story touched my heart. You and all your family will be in my prayers and thoughts today.Sending hugs!
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oh Gina ~ like most that have read your post, it brought back fond memories of my Daddy. It was 13 years ago that I lost him and there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss him. I too was Daddy's little girl. I thank you for being honest and sharing your memories with us.
Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today. Have lots of smiles and share lots of stories today ~ your Father would want you to.
Hugs to you
Joani
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Oh Gina, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've sat with many family members as their loved ones passed and with my own parents as they were passing. What your sweet Hospice nurse said is so very true. Watching him take his last breath is not the last memory you want of your Dad - he knew that. It's such a difficult memory, it can cloud some of the more precious moments you've had with him. Your Dad sounds like a very, very special man.
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Oh Gina I have tears in my eyes even now as I write this. I have lost both my parents and it is hard for me to go put flowers on the graves I cry everytime.
May God be with you and your family you have a great memories.
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Super big hugs to you Gina. The picture you included really shows so much love. Your dad looks so happy and well loved there. And I know he'll live on in all of the hearts who have known him and especially those who have loved him.
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Great big hugs to you and your family today Gina. It's hard to believe it has been one year since his passing. My thoughts are with you today... ((hugs)).
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Oh Gina. Has it really been a year already? I love the photo of your dad and your children. {{{{hugs}}}} to you and your family. Your story brings tears to my eyes.
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Gina, you and your family are in my prayers. I remember when you first lost your dad, and the lovely note you wrote. I lost my mom 3 1/2 years ago. Like you, I stayed by her side, not wanting to leave. I delayed twice going to feed and let out my dad's new puppy, knowing what I was going to find since I'd been at the hospital all night. After her last morphine shot (hospice), I ran home (25 minute drive very fast) to let the dog out - and yes it was a mess. But I rushed through it all called my dad to say I was on my way back, and when I got back my mother had died. Like your father, my mom did not want me to be there; dad said he gave her a kiss, she gave a big sigh and that was it. But that was not it for me - I was very upset with her, and yelled, asking why she didn't wait for me, because I told her I'd be right back. But in my heart, I know she was doing what parents do best, and that is look out for their children. I sat on the floor next to her bed for the longest time; the nurses, staff and my dad peeking in to check on me, but letting me take my time. As someone else said, the tears do turn to smiles - most of them, but there will always be tears, most of them happy tears. But it will always be just a tiny bit sad because we are missing them.
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Gina, thank you for sharing your dad with us. It's not easy to express how we feel but your dad is forever with you in your heart and in your memories! Sending huge hugs to you and your family!!! Geri
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Gina, I'm crying as I type this. I lost my dad 2 years ago and I was 800 miles away when he passed. I would have given anything just to have told him I loved him one last time. Please be grateful that you spent time with him before he passed, that was truly a gift.
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Dear Gina,I too know how you feel.It doesn't get easier but they do know how we love them and now you have an angel watching over you.Thinking about you!
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Oh my God. You brought back memories of when I lost my dad. I was at work and my sister called and told me to get to the hospital as soon as I could. Needless to say I was there with in five minutes but seemed an eternity.
He was gone by the time I got there. I ran in to emergency and a nurse told me to go to a room where my sisters and brothers were with the Dr. I of course said where is my dad? I want to see him. She said you can't . Well I said yes I can where is he? I could see a person laying there through a partially opened curtain.I had a feeling it was him so I went in and it was him. He was gone. So I can understand just want you went through.My dad will been gone 25 years in March. What we have done since his death is that my brothers and sisters have gotten together on the first Sunday of the month and we pray a rosary for both my parents.Mom passed away 37 years ago and my two brothers within the past five years. When mom passed away I was two blocks away from the hospital and left to make some soup for my family to come eat, as we had all been there all night.. But as soon as I got home my husband said they want you to go back to the hospital and I knew what had happenend because this time he came with me.Neither one of them waited for me to be there with them.And I still can't except that. Getting together has kept us close.
My thoughts are with you.
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Gina, I remember going through this heart wrenching time with you last year. Your tribute to your dad is a beautiful gift you get to give back to him. Continued hugs for you and your family.
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Oh Gina, how I remember reading this last year. My heart broke then and it breaks now...I lost my mom 6 years ago this Feb and it is still a vivid memory going to her room right after she passed (alone, on her terms). This memory you shared brings back my own as well...Your daddy loved you and did want to spare you the heartbreak of watching him go...he knew you were there all night with him and that was your gift to him...I know you will remember him in many happy ways with many happy memories...God bless you and your family.
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Gina ~ My heart goes out to you and your family.
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Gina, I started following your blog shortly after this time last year as I remember scrolling back and reading your story. It touched me deeply then as it does now, and my heart aches for you. Thinking of you and sending you and yours many hugs.
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I am not an emotional person but that story was so beautiful it touched me...
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I am so sad for you - I live 1200 miles away from my dad and I dread the day that this happens to me. I will not get the opportunity like you did - so for you this is truly a gift from God.
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Oh Gina you could be writing my story of my Dad as he went to be with the Lord. The permission and the denial, all the mixed emotions. He don't want them to go and yet you don't want them to suffer either. Bless you as you remember those precious last momnents and all the years preceeding them. It will soom be 5 years for me lossing my Dad to cancer. It never gets easy but life does go on and I can only pray that my life will make him proud. Love you Gina, take care.
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Thinking of you and your special family. Hugs from Michigan
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As long as we have memories, we don't lose them. They're always in our heart. Your family will be in our prayers. Hugs
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Deepest heartfelt condolences for you and your family..thank you so very much for writing your story and sharing it with all of us. Will remember you in prayer. Love, Grace and Shalom
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I am so sorry, know I am thinking of you and your family. I lost my 22 year old grandson Dec 6th in a car accident. It isn't easy but you have to go on. Prayers for you and your family.
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Gina, Thank you for sharing your touching story. I could bearly hold back tears. I'm a daddy's girl too.
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I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers. My Granny was like a second mom to me, so when she passed away it was really hard. And the first Mom's Day after, her first birthday after, and the first everything after. I don't know how I'll handle the eventual death of my dad. I'm glad that your dad's suffering is over, but it's still hard to live through the grief. My prayers continue to be with you.
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Gina, Know that I am deeply sorry for your loss. Words seem so inadequate for what you are going through. Just know you are in my heart and in my prayers.
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Im so sorry for your loss! As I sit here in tears reading your story, Because that was me 6 months ago when I lost my daddy to lung cancer. My heart goes out to you and your family! We had my dad at my brother's house and hospice told us daddy didn't want to go with us around. We gave him his privacy the last day, however we had a baby monitor in the room with him. We all went flying in his room when we heard him and were all there as he took his last breath.
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What a beautiful story be thankful you had a chance to say good bye and spend his last night with him he looks like he was a very happy and energetic person. I lost my dad in 1999 and I miss him every day- he died in his sleep unexpected and no one had that chance even my mum. I also lost my mum in 2007 this week and although it was not unexpected it's still hard. Make the most of the times you have with your family and appreciate the life you have as I know you do. My thoughts are with you and your family.Remember the GOOD TIMES and celebrate his life not his death.
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I know this was last year, but it still brings tears to my heart and eyes...you are loved as was your Dad...savor the sweet memories.
Blessings,
Jan Castle
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Thank you, Gina, for sharing your heart with all of us. Your story and comments made me cry, and made me think of my Dad. He went to heaven 18 years ago, but I still love and miss him terribly.
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You and your family are in my thoughts today. The first year is the toughest. I, too, was a daddy's girl, and I lost him to lung cancer 18 years ago, just a few months after my son was born. I never stop missing him, but as time has passed, memories of him don't hurt but make me smile. Your story reminds me of the night before and the day of my daddy's passing. I clearly remember the night before, my daddy (who had been asleep for days) woke up and, for the first time in two weeks, he knew exactly who my mom and I were (the cancer had spread to his brain). We spent the entire night sitting on his bed, talking, remembering good times, and laughing. Oh, how we laughed that night at all of our stories. As the sun rose, he said he was tired and wanted to sleep some, so we let him lie down. I left to go home to take a shower, wash some of my mom's clothes, and spend a little time with my newborn son. Only shortly after arriving home, I got 'the call.' I rushed back, and I did make it in time to be there when he passed. But, sometimes, I wish I hadn't. It was horrible to watch, and I still can't get that last memory out of my mind. I wish my last memory of him was the night before when we'd talked and laughed. I think my daddy would have wanted it that way too, and I think he tried. I just barely got there in time, so I think he tried to spare me. He was always trying to protect me, and I'm sure your daddy was the same way. Continue to be thankful for your time with him, as I'm sure you are, and focus on remembering the good times. Our daddies would never want to see us sad or hurting. You are in my thoughts and may you find peace in your memories.
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God Bless you Gina and your family. Many of us understand the heartbreak of losing someone we love dearly. Your dad is still with you in your heart and in your memories. No one can take that from you. And God is there to bring comfort to you and those you love.
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This is the most touching and beautiful post I have ever read... my heart goes out to you, your mother and your family as you miss you dear father. Blessings to you and may He continue to bring comfort to you and your family as you miss your daddy.....
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You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sure that your father is looking down on you with pride and his continued love.
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your entry was heart touching. my father in law did the same thing. my parents are in ill health so this is really heart touching to me. I also just found our my cousin has bone cancer. so please pray that they will catch it in time.
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Thank you for sharing your last day with your dad. I am so moved by your story. It takes me right back to the day I lost my mom and that is coming up on five years now. Anniversaries are hard. I hope yours was sweet and that the days and months to come bring a lifted weight for your family. The first anniversary is such a milestone that I found brought a relief and increased peace. Your daddy is smiling down on you.
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you've described so beautifully your last moments with your Dad...I love that you were able to spend that time with him. Sometimes our loved ones are gone so sudden that we dont get to say goodbye or even to see them - you were so blessed - enjoy spending this day with your Dad and the memories, sending you a {{{hug}}}
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Dearest Gina,
I have read and reread this wonderful tribute to your father, and I am at a loss for words. You're story is very similar to mine. I guess it touches one of those spots in our hearts that will never heal properly. I am a firm believer that a departing loved one chooses their time. Tender hugs to you and your family.
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Gina,
I remember your entries last year when your father was passing thru the end of his life, and how it brought back the memories of me sitting with my dad during his last hours a few years earlier. I had simply stepped out to take a walk up the hallway to break the stress a bit, and upon returning, found he had chosen that time to leave. Since then I have talked to many people who have the same experience, and have been told by hospice workers that many many people choose to leave when their loved ones are gone, perhaps to spare them that last disbelieving moment.
Anyway, imagine my surprise when today I read your blog entry, recalling that time. It was poignant, because this weekend my mother left us in the same way. You express that time so well, and have put into words what I am perhaps thinking. So in a way you never imagined, you are helping me to work thru this sad time. thankyou.
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Gina: Thank you for sharing about your dad. How time flies. I remember the day he passed. I will do a special prayer tonight in memory of your dear dad.
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THANK YOU for sharing Gina. THIS is the number one reason why I adore GinaK Designs - it's never just about business. All your family are in my prayers today...
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(((HUGS))) it must be so sad and lonely to miss him on this anniversary. My thoughts are with you and your family.
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The story is so similar...the characters are different but the feeling is the same. I have lost both of my parents when I was out of the room. I do believe that about them not wanting us to see. I know that was true with my Dad & my Mom was just to private a person. Remember they weren't alone. Jesus was there to lead them home. Take care.
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Beautiful... My prayers are with you and your family. A year of sorrow but with great memories of your dad, I'm sure.
Sylvia
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Gina, just a note to let you know I had you & your family in my prayers over these last few days. Keep your dad in your heart forever!
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My mom passed away 10 years ago.
They had just transported her to St. Luke's in Milwaukee (from West Bend). Just a few hours earlier they showed my dad and me the scans up on the lighted board showing the damage to her brain from the strokes and that there was no hope of recovery. That was the hardest part of everything happening. So my dad and my brother and I got a suite at a nearby motel to get some rest. I went to a Walmart on the way to grab something to eat and toothbrushes. At 10pm, it was surprisingly busy. I stood in line barely keeping my composure looking at the full cart of the ladies in front of my. So I told them in a sentance or two my plight, they immediately insisted I go ahead of them adding supportive comments as if we were neighbors, not just strangers in line.
They say angels are everywhere...do they shop at Walmart?
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deeply moved by the lines...
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Just want to share a poem I wrote the day my dad died. Thought it might ease the pain of last year a bit.
MY FATHER, MY DAD
I'm here with my Father,
I'm here with my Dad
But he's with the best Friend
He ever had.
I'm not very prosperous
No wealth do I hold
But Dad's got plenty
Of riches untold.
I fight traffic each day
On a long endless road
But Dad's up there walking
On streets made of gold.
He has been lifted on high
And sings with angels each day
While I'm down here with worries
That get in the way.
He can talk to the Savior
Has all that he needs
He walks through rose gardens
Planting more seeds.
One petal will fall
On the loved ones below
Each time we remember
How he loved us so.
Perfect peace has he now
And a smile on his face
For we believe with our hearts
He's in a beautiful place.
And some day we'll go
To be with my Dad
No more tears will we shed
Nor will we be sad.
'Cause we'll be with my Father
We'll be with my Dad
We'll be with the best Friend
We ever had.
Until then, my dear Daddy,
I want you to know
We'll carry fond memories
Wherever we go.
©Teri Couture
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Beautiful poem, Teri...
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Gina, once again I sit here, tears streaming down my face, recalling last year when I read about you losing your Dad. I had lost my Dad a few months earlier, in July of 2008.
I was not there with mine either, since I live out-of-state but my Mom & sister were. They were able to hold the phone up to his ear, and I know he heard me.
May they rest in peace. I know they are in the best place imaginable, and that we will join them again when the time is right.
God bless you and your family.
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Oh how your post touched me. My Dad's been gone for almost 18 years and yet it seems like yesterday. We were called by the nursing home the night before he died saying he was upset. We were all with him, my Mom, my brother and sister and I. We spent the greater part of the night talking and just being with him.
We left early in the morning, I went to work, my Mom left for a short time, but was still back in the morning. She and my sister-in-law left for lunch and not long after that I got a call to come immediately to the nursing home. Daddy was gone when I got there and I was the first to be with him. In that moment of being alone with him I wondered why did we leave him. But the nurses, in comfort and wisdom, told us that was his wish, as it had been with your Dad's, to not have us be there when he passed.
It's never easy, the years soften the loss, but you always feel it. May you have wonderful days with your Mom remembering your Dad in your hearts, for that's one place he will never leave you.
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I read your story through a veil of tears Gina. My heart goes out to you at this time. I lost both my parents in this way and thanks to you sharing your story, I have at last, comfort in believing they both spared me so much more pain.
Huge hugs Viv xx
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Brought tears to my eyes. That is a great picture. You are a great business woman, a creative woman, and a great daughter. Hugx to you and your family.
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Gina, thank you for sharing your story of your dad's passing. I too have lost my father and step-father, as well as my son, husband, ex-husband, sister, ...I could go on. It's so hard to say goodbye to those who leave us, whether it's time for them or not. And, harder for us that stay behind with the memories and longing to be with them.
The first year is so hard, and sometimes those special days and that second year can be rough as well. Just remember, their spirit is with you, and in your case, your dad left you with many gifts to remember and honor him by, so it will get easier with time. Allow yourself the gift of tears and sorrow; they help you heal, and laughter will come if it hasn't already, and your journey of healing and enjoying what is to come will go on.....
God bless and keep you safe.
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Thanks for sharing this Gina. The first paragraph explained exactly how I felt in 1997 when my DAD died in a Hospice. I did not stay with him like you did, I asked him if he wanted me to but he told me to go take care of my mum cause she will need me. He was only 47 when he died and I have been beating myself up all this time because I did not stay, but I guess the nurse knew best, they loved us to much to see them die
Thanks again for sharing this, it has helped me realize that it is time to move on and start living again. Cancer is such a terrible decease it effect and infect every one involved. The nearest and dearest might not have or get it but it changes you forever.
Be strong and know that you are in my thought and prayers from this day on
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I sit here with tears in my eyes reading your story and remembering the last night with my Dad. I told him it was time to go and that it was okay. He was so ill and the hospital was so cold and indifferent. This was Friday -- that Tuesday he had a fantastic day. He was alert, talking, laughing, playing and being my Dad. I asked God to take him that night as I wanted his last day here happy and filled with joy. It wasn't to be - Friday night I left the hospital at midnight or later and told the nurse that I would never see him here again. I knew the end was near. Saturday morning I got the call-he was gone. I know that God's world became happier and more joyous the second my Dad crossed over. I miss you, Daddy, but would not wish you back unless you could be healthy and your "old self". I love you...
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Gina when I read about your daddy I lost it, this reminded me of my mom. I lost her one year ago and she too was under the care of Hospice which are angles sent to us in our time of need.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Always remember your dad will always live withing your heart each time you look in the mirror you will see him in you.
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Gina I am so sorry for your loss. Your dad loved you so much. I will be praying for you and your family. Always remember the good times.
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Gina, I pray you feel your Heavenly Father's arms around you today as you celebrate your Dad. There is no greater testament to his life than you missing him with all you heart.
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I remember how moved I was when I read about your dads' passing. It was such an emotional and sad time for you. Three weeks later we lost my sister to breast cancer. Now lung cancer will soon be taking my brother. It is so hard to let go even knowing they went/are going to a much better place. Sharing your dads last days brought tears but also appreciation of the fact we all have our own personal sorrows. Thank you for giving us a part of you. I will pray that you get strength from the support of all who commented on this first anniversary of your fathers death. Keep the faith.
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Gina, I sit here crying and feel your loss. It's been 5 years since my Dad's passing and I still miss him. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sending Big Hugs!!
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Even at 47 years old, I'm daddy's little girl, too (my dad will be 70 this year). And I'm sure it doesn't even feel like a year ago for you that he's been gone---it probably feels more like yesterday. I know it's wrong to think this way but sometimes I get really afraid of how I'm going to be without my dad. How in the world am I going to make it without him.
I'm happy for you that you had a wonderful life with your father. I know how deep those feelings reside in your heart. Although his physical presence may be gone, I'm positive his spirit walks with you every single day. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.
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Tears streamed down my face reading your heartfelt comments about your father. My father passed away 12/14/2009 and was born in 1916. I brought him down here with me to Atlanta as he had lived in Chattanooga all of his life and stayed with me until I could no longer take care of him. My daughter lived in Chattanooga also and when I told her he had passed away she and her family flew down here and she climbed in the bed with him and sobbed like a baby. She loved him sooo much. They had a special bond, those two. I know he is looking down on you and your family and telling you you have done a good job and he loves you very much as this is what I think when I look up to the heavens. My mom and dad are both there now and a moment doesn't go by that I don't think about them both. I was an only adopted child and they were my life. I miss them desperately. Take care of yourself and your family. God Bless You! Angela Hartley
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God gives us what we need exactly when we need it and not a moment before. I remember praying for my Dad to be free to go because the cancer had him in so much pain we could not bare to see him suffer any longer. We could not help him to be free from pain on earth but we knew where he could go where he would be pain free. I know your Dad is no longer suffering and I hope you and your family have found some comfort in that. Blessings to you and your family this coming year.
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